To the Bags

“Oh so that was your Emergency fund?” Sam Bascom asks looking a little guiltily.
“”For Emergency Purposes only,” Greg MacIntyre tells him.
“There’s no bigger Eemergency than me and WeenerAman going hungry!”
Ernie Stubbs interjects.
“See, it was an Emergency, and so I don’t have to give it back,” Sam says to me and Greg, “Isn’t that right Ranger?”
Ranger Warden has just walked out of the Merchantile.

“Well Sam,” Ranger Warden says to Bascom, “Looks like the WildLife just drug itself in.”

“If this is WildLife,” Sam Bascom grins, “Then HicksTown is an exciting place.

I scratch my head, “HicksTown has always been exciting to me.”

“Proves my Point, Sam Bascom grins.

“And we’re here too,” Mr Warden, Ernie chirps up.

“Yes, I seem the Varmints have all come into town,” Ranger Warden agrees with Ernie.

Just then a cloud of dust, a southern anthem mini-van horn, and the Watch Out! mini-van slides into inh fromt of Bacom’s Merchantile.

“Pardon Me?” Crystalo leans out her window, “Have you heard of the reported run-away Varmints?’

“Well, Miss,” Ranger Warden grins, “I think you just hit the Lottery Jack-pot.”

Sam scratches his head, “Actually Ranger, these fellers have been looking to catch them a Varmint, as in a Case of the Snippee’s Varmint.”

Ranger Warden squints his eyes,  “I see, and what technique did you fellers try to use and catch the elusive Snippe’s Varmint.’

“Well,” Greg McIntyre drawls, “We tried the box-trap.”

“Usually very reliable,” I  point out.

“And we very nearly caught us a mad Dan’l” Ernie puts in.

“They did”Crystalo Caruso agree.

“Really??” Ranger Warden asks, “These Varmints nearly did something right??”

“We’ve got it on tape,” Crystalo shrugs.

Ranger Warden watches the quick-playback on the back of the digital video camera, “Well I’ll be, looks like a six-foo-three howler monkey running off into the woods. No wonder the Box wouldn’t hold’em, those mad Dan’ls can get real strong.”

“I suppose we owe for the Crate,” I frown.

“Don’t worry about a thing,” Sam Bascom reassures me and Greg, “I’ve already deducted the sum from your Emergency Fund.”

“And we took out the rest in Pop,” Ernie speaks up, “Good Pop, not that Green kind you guys always get.”

“It’s whats on special,” I say under my breath.

Ranger Warden shakes his head, “Well, a Mad Dan’l is all fine and dandy, but what I need to get a census on is a Snippee’s Varmint.”

“At leasted they tried,’ Crystalo points out.

“Ahm Yes,” Ranger concedes, “I suppose I should have trained them in the high tech, sure-fired way to capture a Snippee’s Varmint.”

“Should we let these fellas’ in on the top-secret technique,” for some odd reason Sam Bascom is suddenly very interested in our assignment.

“Top-Secret?” Now Crystalo Caruso shows interest, “This sounds like a job for, ‘Watch Out! TV.”

“Maybe it’s not that big a deal,” I start to explain us out of it.

Ranger Warden squints, “You know with these Bascoms, there may not be a Pulitzer in it for you, but some kind of Humor Award.”

“In this Business, we need all the rewards we can get,” Crystalo answers knowingly.

I look either way, “I’m thinking if before I get the Irregulars into some set-up where we end up being the punch-line, I’m thinking we could spend the next couple of afternoons doing not much else but fishing on the Too Much until all this hype on the Snippee’s whatever blows over.”

“But there is a Catch,” Ranger tells us.

Greg pulls his cowboy hat down over his brow, “I knew there’d be a Catch.”

“And the Catch is,” Ranger Warden announces, “Is those Joke Cat-fish you  fellas catch up on the Too Much.”

“We never keep more than a couple to toast,” I try and explain, “We throw the rest back in.”

“And the State Regs read that you are supposed to keep all the N. CatFishious Hilarium taken out of the Waters of the Too Much Creek Watershed,” Ranger Warden quotes from memory, “To make some room to see if other species of fishes can live in that Creek.”

“What?’ Ernie asks.

“He’s saying that we don’t keep enough joke-catfish,” Greg MacIntyre translates for Ernie.

“Oh,” Ernie nods his head.

The Weenerman helps himself to another potato chip and swig of real pop, “Big Deal there, what can you do because we didn’t hold onto those stunted whisker-fish.”

Ranger Warden shrugs, “maybe you are right, there is nothing in the State Regs that speak of specific penalties, but I could always turn the matter over to Judge Patrick, I am sure he could think of something appropriate.”

HM WeenerMan sits up straight in the pew, and gulps the last of the Pop, “Now there is no need to allow a trivaling matter such as that get to the Magestarial Stage,” Hm Weeenrman mtions to the rest of us Irregulars and announces, “That’sw it fellas, looks like we’re in on this caper,” HM looks over to Ranger, “So what’s this job going to take.”

Ranger Warden looks to Sam Bascom and figures, “Well the special equipment this operation requires is usually several gunny-sacks, and good flashlights and batteries.”

Sam kicks the ground, “I have the Flashlights,” he says, “And D-cell batteries are onh sale buy one, get one free this week.”

“You mean those old ones in the back?” Ernie asks.

“Adn it will cost,” Sam Bascm ignores ERnie, “I can’t start giving these things out for Free.”

“But there’s our out,” I put in, “You already spent up our Emergency Fund.”

“Between the Cr4ate and Ernie and WeenerMan, there isn’t much left,” Sam agrees somewhat disappointed.”

“So,” I shrug, “With out the proper equipment, there is no way we can engage on a delicate operation such as catching a scarce Snippee’s Whatever.”

“But Wait,” Crystalo herself interjects, “We have portable lighting for stories and what-not in the Sound-Van,” Crystalo proposes, We will be glad to suply the lighting for this adcenture.”

“There you go,” Ranger Warden agrees.

iI say to Crystalo, “You shouldn’t have.”

“No problemo,” Crystalo reassures me, “And no way is here for me to miss out on a storey this laughable.”

“And,” Sam Bascom remembers, “I have a big Canvas bag in the back of the merchantle, it’s a bit larger than a gunny-sack, but it will work for this project, and I can rent it to you for what’s left in your Emergency Fund.”

“And there we go,” HM WeenerMan grins broadly, “Everything is falling into place, we arte set to go, the Weenerman Township Irregulars at your Service.”

Greg McIntyre pulls his hat back just far enough to scratch his head, “I dunno  about much else, but the set-up part sounds suspiciaous to me.”


About offroad2084

Work on the Work In Progress, MyDay in HicksTown. A light-hearted look at life in the fictional town of HicksTown in WeenerMan Township.
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One Response to To the Bags

  1. offroad2084 says:

    The Clover County Bunch begin to hatch plans for a census of the Snippee’s Varmint. Grainy footage of the wild Mad Dan’l is shown but is inconclusive. Crystalo Carusso volunteers to be in on the project.

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