Those Senseless that Count

Cover of "The Scout"

Judge Patrick took a deep breath as if the alarm just rang, “Oh Brother,” he says, “I came here early to get a jump on the Day, and I run smack-dabble into these Ruffians.”
“Really so?” Crystalo asks, “I see them more as Irregulars.”
“Highly Irregualr and Unusual,” Judge Patrick agrees with her, “But this Census sounds senseless to me. Sounds most like a big excuse for to run around the TownShip Outback all night and raise a Ruckus,” Judge Patrick smiles at Crystalo, “I assume the young lady has better judgement than that.”
“Oh no Judge,” Ernie speaks up, “Crystalo was right there with us the whole time we were hooliganizing.”
“What Ernie means to say,” I start to speak up,
“Save your breath Scout,” Judge Patrick tells me, “I figure your logical explanations for a pile of hot air, and,”
“Um Judge,” Sam Bascom sort of has a guilty look on his face, “The Scout does have a logical explanation.”
Judge Patrick makes a little jump and sort of catches himself in mid-air, “Don’t kid me Sam, It’s way too early in the Morning for that kind of Joshing.”
Ranger Warden nods his head, “Yep Judge, I had them out conducting a WildLife Census for me. They were up to something useful.”
“The Irregulars, Useful?” Judge Patrick almost sputters.
“Had them out looking up the Snippee’s Varmints,” Ranger Warden confirms.
Judge Patrick gives a chuckle and wipes his brow, “Oh, you had me going there for a moment, these Irregulars amounting to something useful for a change,” Judge Patrick slaps Ranger Warden on the back, “Why everyone knows that the last Snippee was seen in round here in the last Centry sometime. Too many people liked to string the tails on their car anttennas. And you know no self-respecting Snippee would stand to have their tail dangling from a car antenna, so they all just up and skeedadled.”
“Really, That is so?” Crystalo asks the Judge, “The Scout has told me that it was the Mad Dan’ls that chased them all away.”
“Really,He Told you That??” Judge Patrick looks to Crystalo sympathetically, then at me, “Now Scout, why  go telling a big storey like that to a proper young lady like Miss Crystalo here,”
‘Um Judge,” Ranger Warden interrupts the township magistrate, I don’t know if they’re Mad Dan’ls but there’s something  out back there.”
Ernie jumps out of the Truck and holds his arms up and makes big eyes, “Mad Dan’ls wander around and slobber and drool and have big buggy eyes,”
Judge patrick cuts Ernie off “OK People, if I am to beleive you, and give you a walk on the aggravated absrdity, I see one just one flaw in your alibi;” the Judge says judicioulsy, “Produce to me, one copy or example of your aforesaid census.”
I get a funny look on my face, “Well Judge, the Weenerman has it.”
Judge Patrick trows his hands up, “You mean that HM Weenerman has your Wildlife Census?”
Greg MacIntyre climbs down from the truck bed, “But we made one Mistake.”
‘Mistake?’ the Judge flusters, ‘What One Mistake?”
Ernie Stubbs cups his hand and whispers to the Judge, “We forgot and left the WeenerMan back on the Mountain.”
“Forgot the Weenerman!” Judge Patrick storms.
“Well you see there was this Mad Dan’l and all,” I start.
Judge Patrick stops and looks at us, “How could you do a thng like that, leaveing our township’s namesake all alone in the Township Outback to face that slobbering Mad Dan’l all by hisself. Espeicailly when the Weenerman is supposed to hang my gutterspouts this afternoon!”

Everyone is gloomy, even Sam Bascom admits, “Sort of too bad to have the Weener up there to face the mad Dan’l by himself.”

Finally, I stcik my chin out and step forward, “OK, I volunteer to personally lead an expedition into the TownShip to search and locate HM
WeenerMan!”

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About offroad2084

Work on the Work In Progress, MyDay in HicksTown. A light-hearted look at life in the fictional town of HicksTown in WeenerMan Township.
This entry was posted in Books, Country Humor, Entertainment, rural humor, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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