Weenerman’s Worthless Wonders


There is movement in the duffle-bag up beside the WeenerMan.
Greg MacIntyre intervenes, “Hussshhh,” he says in a low tone.
The WeenerMan plays his harmonica all the louder to try and drownout Twisty.
“WHA-?” Twisty starts.
“Shhh,” Crystalo whispers to Twisty, “Music calms the Savage Beast.”
“WHA-ahm, what?” Twisty whispers.
“The Weenerman is trying to keep the animals he bagged calm by playing on the Harmonica,” I explain, “It’s a trick he learned to get fair pigs to eat more.”
“Wonder if they ate to get him to stop playing,” Twisty ventures.
“I dunno,” Greg remarks, “But the Weener always had the biggest pigs at the Fair.”
“Yep, Weenerman’s Worthless Wonders,” Ernie Stubbs joins in.
Twisty frowns, “But the Weener’s pigs never won anything.”

Oh yes they did,” Ernie Stubbs informs her, “They always took first place in the Eggs and Bacon Category; Weenerman won the SPAM Trophy.”

“AHMMMM,” we hear and turn to see Judge Patrick standing there impatiently tapping one foot.

“Shhhh,” Crystalo advises the Judge mostly because she didn’t know any better.

“When I hear whispering and you Barnies are around I figure something is up,” Jdge Patrick says calmly, “so hwhat is shadey now?”

“Nothing Mister Judge, really,” Crystalo denies everything.

“You really are new to thewe here parts,” Judge Patrick says to Crystalo, “With this bunch, something is usually up, and its not always on the level.”

I putin brightly, “But Judge, we got you the results of that census you wanted to see.”

“Results of the Senseless Census?’he Judge is a bit confounded, “but where?”

“Up there,” Ernie thumbs up to the back of the Delivery Truck where the Weenerman is harmincaizing away.

“All them critters in the bag?” Judge Patrick blusters.

“The same,” Greg MacIntyre assures the Judge, “Chased them in there myself.”

The Weenerman hops carefully down from the back of the truck.

“Sorry we could not wait,” Crystalo apologizes to HM, “But with the Mad Dan’l loose out back there we had to get the Scout back to safety.”

“Mad Dan’l,” the Weenerman nods, “Must be why Old Gruchy came in in such a big hurry.”

“And we had to get out of there reall fast,” Ernie speaks up, “Coasted downhill all the way,but I got us here, safe!”

“Didn’t need to go to all the trouble Ernie,” the Weenerman tells us, “I put in a new set of spark plugs and cables Yesterday morning on my way up, the buck Truck wuld’ve run anytime you wanted it too.”

“Doyyy,” I remark.

“But don’t worry, I knew that Handy Hank would take the Droll Bridge and be coming through on the road that runs behind the Hump on his way back from the Railhead,” the Weenerman explains, “I figured I’d catch a ride back with him. Wasn’t expecting so big a haul,” the Weenerman grins, “Lucky for me, Hanmk has oneo of those powered tailgates so I got all the critters loaded. Been polaying this thing all the way back, and got lucky, they all stayed calm.”

“Music calms the Savage Beast,’ Crystalo nods knowingly.

Might be Dumb luck,” Judge Patrick replies, “Well Weener, lift up that flap on the bag so I can confirm this here Senseless Census.”

As the Judge steps forward to peer into the gravel-duffle bag, twisty yells out, “Hey y’all get up here and see what the Weener brung!!”


About offroad2084

Work on the Work In Progress, MyDay in HicksTown. A light-hearted look at life in the fictional town of HicksTown in WeenerMan Township.
This entry was posted in Books, Country Humor, Entertainment, rural humor, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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