We hear the Fink keelboat on its relentless course, pounding its way down the Too Much, “POLE..POLE..POLE..POLE..”
But its interrupted, “Hey skipper,” a riverman cries out, “The River must be coming up!”
“It hasn’t rained for a week you Knuckle-head<" Mike Fink shouts back, "POLE."
From the other side, "The River's higher up over here too!"
"Impossible," Mike Fink yells, POLE."
"Heyt Skipper, maybe we sprung a leak or something," the first riverman suggests.
"Check the hold," Mike Fink orders, "POLE."
There is the sound of a door opened and slammed shut, the tillerman yells above the commotion, "I checked the cargo bay Skipper, and there's no water there."
"That's what I was thinkin'," Mike Fink bellows, "POLE."
The voice on the other side pipes up, "But the River is up even higher on this side."
"Hey skipper, the first river-man calls out, "We're losing free-board fast."
"Your Imagination," Mike Fink starts, "Now look here," then "Whoops, we are losing freeboard, DanggIt! We have to Pole harder, maybe we can still get across the finish line!"
The we hear:
"It's no good Skipper, the River is coming in over the gunwales."
Then, "We're going under,"
"Good Bye Cruel World!"
"Give My Regards to BroadWay!"
"Blub, blub, blub."
There are a few moments of silence before we hear Micheal Fink roar out, "all Right you Bunch of Pickle-Barrel Hams, Knock it Off!
This River is so shallow, you can stand up in it!"
Some subsequent splashing around and then we hear the first river-man speak up, "Sorry Skipper, just thought it was a good time to be saying something appropriate."
"Appropriate?!" Mike Finks growls, "Of all the River-Men, I get stuck with a keel-haulers from Porkopolis."